One of the constant struggles couples have is in the area of communication or a lack thereof. We don't realize that good communication is a learned skill and not something we are born with. We learn how to communicated based on how we were communicated with as children. If we were raised in a household where every one yelled at each other, then we have a tendency to be a yeller. If we were raised in a household, where no one talked to each other and didn't express their feelings, then you have a tendency to be an introvert and somewhat numb when it comes to expressing your emotions.
You can see how, when two people come together in marriage that it can me somewhat difficult to communicate with each other. That is why when we get married, we have to learn the skill of good communication and we have to start with the basics. We have to understand that communicating is not only talking, but listening. Listening is a lot more then just hearing, it is understanding, it is empathizing and having compassion.
Every one wants to be listened to and understood, but not every one knows how to articulate themselves in such a way that, they receive what they are looking for.
Let's start of by having conversations!
Do you know that many couples don't even talk to each other. In many marriages less then twenty-five words are spoken in a twenty-four hour day. Communication has to be intensional. In marriage communication has to go beyond talking about the bills, the kids, the job; to me that is just surface talk. Real communication is when you go deep into what you're feeling, what you're thinking, what are your options, what are your your ideas...now, we're talking!
Communication always has the element of discovery in it. When you start to communicate you find out something new, that you never knew before. What keeps love alive is the forever
discovery of the new in our spouse. Their new interests, their new challenges, their new intimate place. Well, we will never know this, without communication.
We want to help you along on this road called discovery, by giving you some discovery questions that you ask each other to get the communication started.
Pick a time that is good for the both of you, turn off the TV, cellphone, computer and make sure the kids are in the bed and sleep. Sit in a comfortable place in your home or quite spot and begin to ask each other questions.
Many of our couples, have said to us that they didn't know what questions to ask, so we have included questions to start you off, by asking these questions it will spark other questions, these are just a few.
Do this at least two to three times a week. Ask each other one question at a time and no more than four to five question per discovery date.
We guarantee that within a few weeks you will be communicating at another intimate level and you will know each other much more!
1.If a fire destroyed your home and all of your belongings, what would you do? If
you could take out three things before the blaze, what would they be? (Assuming
there is no one in the house at the time of the fire.)
2.What makes you feel secure and safe?
3.Do you need to hear “I love you” or similar words on a regular basis from your
partner?
4.What five things have you done in your life that you are most proud of?
5.Over the last five years how do you think you have changed for the worse?
Better?
6.On which topics do you feel qualified at giving advice?
7.If you could live one year of your life all over again without changing a thing,
what year would you choose? Why?
8.Do you prefer receiving expensive gifts or ones that come from the heart? Give an example of those gifts.
9.What first attracted you to me? How has that one attraction changed since then?
10.What first attracted you to me? How has that one attraction changed since then?
This should get you started...more question to come!
HAVE FUN DISCOVERING EACH OTHER!
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